The Love Hypothesis
by jimparsonsisgawd
Summary: Leonard has been friends with Sheldon for eight years. In that time, Sheldon's been nearly robotic, lacking any emotion or deep desires. While visiting with Sheldon's family over the holidays, an unexpected turn of events happens and Leonard learns more about Sheldon than he ever imagined. Will it be worth it for everyone to know? Or should secrets stay secrets? SheldonxLeonard
1. Chapter 1

Hello there, beautiful humans! So, I've decided to begin a SheldonxLeonard fanfiction! *throws confetti everywhere*

Alright so I suck at descriptions, so what I really wanted to write was:

"Leonard has been best friends with Sheldon for nearly eight years, and in all that time, Sheldon's been nearly robotic, seeming to lack any emotion or deep desires. While visiting with Sheldon's family over the holidays, an unexpected turn of events happens and Leonard learns more about his friend's past, his life and his strange ways than he'd ever imagined. As this happens Sheldon's emotions begin to unravel despite his undying need to keep them hidden away, a fear welling up inside that he may not be able to keep the truth hidden, and that he and his family may never recover from the result. He doesn't know how much longer he can stay this way, bottling it all up and hiding. But will it be worth it in the end for everyone to know? Or should Sheldon allow secrets to stay secrets?"

But clearly that was too long to be a description. Yeah so hopefully this goes well? Honestly, I'm still kinda new to the show, but I've done my research and I believe that this might just not suck! Alright, let's just do this. It's happening, this is happening...

* * *

"Mother I realize that I swore to you to attend church at least once during the year... Yes I understand it's for father, though it happened ten years ago I don't see why there's still one requested every year. No... No mother it was ten years ago. I was twenty-three when he died, remember...? Two-thousand and three... No... No... Yes mother I realize it's nearly Christmas..."

Christmas was in two and a half weeks, and Leonard, without girlfriend and a member of a Christmasless family, would have no one to celebrate with. Bummer. He half-listened to what his roommate, who paced from the kitchen to the couch and back into the kitchen, was saying as his eyes followed Babylon 5. He was trying to take advantage of Sheldon's distraction as he knew he'd be told to turn it off. Leonard didn't understand _why _Sheldon was so opposed to Babylon 5 - it wasn't _that _bad - sure it wasn't Firefly but it could have been worse.

"Fine, yes mother I'll - Leonard turn that off... no mother not you Leonard's merely... Yes... yes... Fine, I suppose I have no choice. Yes... Yes, very well. Goodbye, mother."

Sheldon huffed a bit as he hung up the phone, sitting down in his spot. He looked at Leonard for a moment, and the spectacled man waited for him to make a snide remark about Babylon 5. But to his surprise Sheldon remained silent as he turned his attention back to the television, turning it on and changing the channel.

They were quiet for quite some time, Leonard not exactly concerned so much as curious, "Is everything alright?" He finally asked, looking at his friend.

Sheldon sent Leonard a sideways glance before turning his gaze back to the screen, where a Christmas-related commercial for Target was followed the Geico commercial where a talking camel happily screamed about 'HUMP DAYYY!' "That's a fairly vague question," Sheldon said, "You would need to define alright. Do you mean my physical status? Mental? Emotional? Are you asking about these things in a long-term or in a temporary sense?"

Leonard twitched, his voice slightly rising in mild frustration, "I just wanted to know if everything was okay with your mother..."

"Oh! ...No. No that's an issue," Sheldon started, turning a bit to face him "As you know I made a promise to my mother quite a while ago that I would attend church once a year. Well, as two thousand and thirteen draws to a close and I still have not attended she's asked me to come and visit down in Galveston not only for Christmas but also to attend a mass that's being said in the repose of the soul of my father on December twenty-third. But as a result of arriving before the family goes to Christmas mass I will surely be dragged along to that two days later. This will not only result in my attending mass twice in one year but it will likely fail to nullify the obligation to attend next year and potentially even have me forced into attending the New Year's mass." He sighed again at the thought.

"Well why does it matter?" Leonard asked, muting the television, "I mean, just because you don't believe in what your family does doesn't mean that you need to let it bother you, right?"

The taller man rolled his eyes at him, "Leonard, your family isn't religious. You were never forced against your will to attend a mass."

That much was true. Leonard rarely stepped into churches, and while he was familiar with scripture had never been forced to read it and study it and write about it as Sheldon had as a child. When he was young his family had never even celebrated Christmas...or his birthday... due to his parents wish to study the holidays for their 'anthropological and sociological implications on society.' In a sense, Leonard both pitied and envied Sheldon.

"Well, why don't I go with you?" He finally asked. Seeing the blue-eyed man's eyebrows rise he added "I mean my family doesn't celebrate it, and Penny and I broke it off, so I won't be expected anywhere...?"

Oh, that's right, Leonard and Penny had broken up again, hadn't they? Sheldon sometimes had trouble keeping track of the two of them, on again, off again, on again, off again... It was irritating, really. But regardless of their relationship status Penny was always around, a seemingly eternal friend to the both of them. Somehow.

"Well, I suppose it would make it slightly more bearable with someone who isn't a close-minded religious nut."

* * *

"I don't see why we need to take a plane..."

"Because it's a lot easier, cheaper and faster to get from LAX to Scholes International than to take two trains and a bus." Leonard replied as he stood by the couch, closing up his suitcase. It was only four in the morning, their flight leaving for Texas at seven. He and Sheldon would be in Galveston for nearly two weeks, staying from December twenty-second until January second, and as Sheldon had feared they would likely end up in three masses rather than just one. Leonard didn't mind it very much, but he felt a bit bad for Sheldon. He'd even felt bad when he'd talked him into agreeing to fly. "You've got your carry-on and your suitcase packed?"

"Yes."

During the course of the two weeks since they'd agreed to go together, Leonard had noticed a few things changing: for one, Sheldon seemed far more nervous than he had before, even the focus on his work suffering a bit. He looked tired. Not insomniac tired, but nightmare-driven cold-sweat tired. He seemed to become even thinner over the last two weeks as well, though Leonard had only noticed that in the last few days. "Are you sure everything's alright, Sheldon?"

"Again with the vague questions Leonard, do you-"

"Nevermind."

They were quiet as they made their way down the stairs and to Leonard's car. "Are you at least looking forward to seeing your family?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon didn't really give much of a response to that, and merely shrugged his shoulders. An unusual response, but Leonard supposed that there really wasn't a clear answer to the question was there?

The silence continued to resonate for an uncomfortable length of time. Normally Leonard didn't mind the quiet with Sheldon, but for some reason this morning it was just bad. Maybe it was the fact that it was still dark so he felt like he should still be asleep, or because they hadn't eaten anything so the schedule was thrown off, with Leonard somehow getting some of Sheldon's anxiety. He sighed softly, turning the car radio on.

Sheldon flinched a bit, as normally he didn't listen to music, especially popular music, but he didn't say a word. At least not until he began critiquing overly-catchy, repetitive pop music he'd never bothered to listen to until now.

As it was late in December, the host of the radio show was talking about all the significant songs of the year. 'The most catchy (which annoyed Sheldon)', 'The worst', 'The best break-up song', et cetera et cetera.

Sheldon was in the middle of criticizing Zedd's inaccuracy, saying that one wouldn't need a remedy for a tragedy and would need one for something along the lines of laryngitis, not paying any attention as the song ended, the radio host saying something about how Macklemore's 'Same Love' wasn't technically from two-thousand and thirteen, but how to became even more meaningful during the year.

_When I was in the third grade, I thought that I was gay, cause I could draw, my uncle was and I kept my room straight..._

"Hmm?" Leonard looked over in confusion as Sheldon had suddenly fallen silent. The taller man sat there, staring forward, his expression almost fearful - this alarmed Leonard and he panicked before realizing there was nothing in front of them - Sheldon remained quiet, though the discomfort in the air seemed to increase by the second.

_America the brave still fears what we don't know. And "God loves all his children," is somehow forgotten but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five hundred years ago._

Before the chorus could play out Sheldon reached over and turned it off.

"What's the matter?" Leonard asked, his tone obviously concerned.

"Hmm?" Sheldon turned and looked at him for a moment, before his stare went turned back to the road, "Oh. Well, he said that the song wasn't from this year, so it's irrelevant." He spoke a little too quickly, but Leonard didn't think too much about it. Sheldon's sexuality was something he and the others had given up on figuring out a long time ago, and with his relationship with Amy, Leonard was sure Sheldon was straight, so he believed him. The year the song was written seemed to be something that could easily bother Sheldon, and so Leonard just nodded it off.

But even so he could tell something wasn't right. Sheldon didn't turn the radio back on and they rode quietly to the airport. Once there he stood a bit too straight, looking even taller than he was before. His eyes stared forward, almost completely unblinking and in absolute focus, and didn't say a single word to Leonard up until they boarded the plane. Leonard looked up at his best friend, wondering what he was thinking about. The plane? Their bags? Christmas? The masses? His father?

"Hey," he said after the time they'd spent waiting. He laid a hand on Sheldon's shoulder gently, "The gate's open. Let's go," to his surprise Sheldon seemed to tense up ten times as much at the physical contact, backing away slightly and only nodding. He'd known Sheldon for nearly eight years, and while now he wasn't exactly showing emotion, he'd never seen Sheldon act this way...

It almost frightened Leonard, and he wondered what was wrong.

* * *

...Well... That was a chapter. A crappy chapter, but a chapter. I tried..? Yep. I tried. You hated it? Yep. You hated it. You hate Same Love and are pissed that I referenced it? Yep. Oh well. Maybe like...two people liked it and will keep reading. I'm not sure when I'll get to a new chapter but here's to trying! We need more Shelnard out in the world, and hopefully this will eventually turn into a good one. I hope I got them down alright, as their personalities are a bit tough. So...leave a review maybe? Possibly? Who knows?

Oh and if you didn't get the Zedd reference it was for the song 'Clarity.'


	2. Chapter 2

I've returned, beautiful humans! If you've come back to read more...thank you! You're just lovely. I shall now attempt a second chapter. This chapter was... a bit harder for me to write without getting out of character, so please don't yell... That is all.

* * *

The plane wasn't exactly crowded as not a lot of people would be going from Los Angeles to Galveston for the holidays. Because really, who would go from LA to Galveston when the family could see LA? So it was quiet. Apparently, there had been some kind of an issue with the pilots and the plane didn't actually take off until almost nine - much to Sheldon's annoyance. At first Leonard was relieved at the other man's return to normalcy. Or Sheldon's version of normalcy.

That is until it ended, and Leonard simply watched as his friend fidgeted, uncomfortable with his assigned seat but also unable to move about the cabin to seat-hunt without being asked to simply sit down or looking suspicious.

"Sheldon, can you please just try to relax?" He finally asked, "We aren't really going to be on the plane for very long..."

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "No, Leonard. Relaxing at this point is nearly impossible as now my plans are ruined. Rather than reaching Galveston at approximately eleven forty-five and being picked up by Missy at twelve-thirty, we won't be arriving until about one forty-five."

"And?"

"And! Missy will be unable to get us due to a previous engagement. With my mother in Houston for the day finishing her Christmas shopping and my brother George driving down from Fort Worth our only options are to take a taxi or rent a vehicle, neither of which are options I'd wanted to consider."

Leonard sighed softly, looking at his friend with a mix of annoyance and pity. He wondered exactly what it was that made dealing with simple stresses so difficult for Sheldon. Leonard hadn't considered stress to be a major problem in a long time and he couldn't understand why his friend had such an issue. Sure, this all was an inconvenience, but it wasn't the end of their world, right?

A hour into the flight, and Sheldon was still fidgeting in his seat, looking around and unable to focus. While his expression didn't say so, to Leonard his eyes appeared those of a half-starved, half-dead, frightened animal trapped in a cage and searching for an escape.

"Sheldon, didn't anyone ever try and teach you to deal with stress?" He finally asked, half out of concern and half out of embarrassment from association.

"Well of course. Meemaw taught me the serenity prayer in an effort to help me keep calm during my adolescence as my anxiety began." As Sheldon spoke he continued searching around, not looking at Leonard.

The serenity prayer...?

"You mean 'grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.'?" Leonard had been raised without religion but remembered it from a book of prayers from his theology class in college, which he'd taken as an elective. It had been fun, listening to others talk about the religions they'd been raised with and hearing them debate, but then feeling an odd sense of shame when he had nothing to contribute. He supposed he was an atheist. Or maybe an agnostic. But how could he know, really, with no upbringing?

Sheldon nodded, and then shook his head, as though it were one single motion. He turned his glance to Leonard, his blue eyes making contact with the spectacle-hidden brown ones for the first time in hours. "Not exactly, no... That's the most known version. I was taught what is believed to be the original version which is attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr from a sermon in 1943, the version being 'God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that You will make all things right, if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.' ...However Meemaw's efforts to help me with my anxiety during my youth and up until now have never succeeded."

"Why not?" Leonard asked, surprised by how...prayerfully, for lack of a better word, Sheldon recited the lines. As far as he could tell Sheldon rarely seemed to become stressed over work or their friends or his relationship with Amy, things that seemed to matter far more than the plane taking off at the right time. He knew the other was brilliant and likely never needed to worry about his work, but to never worry about his relationships...

Did Sheldon simply not care for anyone else?

No, that couldn't be it, could it? Sheldon certainly wasn't some warm, affectionate person, but he must have cared at least a bit for his friends, right...?

"Why do you let such small problems bother you?"

Again Leonard received no response, Sheldon turning his gaze toward his feet, as though for the first time in his life the answer had eluded him. Despite the fact that it had been the second time in one day.

* * *

They'd reached Galveston around two. Got their bags by two fifteen. Rental car one had a dead battery. Rental car two's key wouldn't fit. Sheldon didn't like rental car three. By the time they'd gotten rental car four and driven to Sheldon's home in Galveston it was nearly six o'clock, hunger and sleeplessness having turned them to half-zombies at that point.

Sheldon's family was perfectly pleasant, of course: Mary showing more affection to Sheldon than he could ever reciprocate, and Missy was her charming self, the polar opposite of Sheldon. Leonard finally met Sheldon's brother George Junior. George stood even taller than Sheldon did, and was about ten times as built. He wasn't exactly 'dumb as soup' as their mother had once described, but he clearly wasn't brilliant as his younger brother was. Leonard was told that he would be staying in Sheldon's room and sleeping on the old fold-up bed, but that didn't bother him - he was so tired from getting up early and from their little adventure that if he'd been told to sleep in the dog house it would have been acceptable.

It wasn't until the end of the meal that Leonard began to feel a bit off, and was horrified when he asked Mary about it and learned there was cream in the recipe. Cream. In the recipe. Even Sheldon looked horrified at the realization, though Leonard figured it was more out of concern for himself than for his friend's lactose issue.

After a few minutes Leonard stood up, "I think I'll go to sleep now if you don't mind, Mrs. Cooper, I'm sorry to not help but I'm very tired," he said as politely as he possibly could before he quickly stepped out, making his way down the hall and into Sheldon's (and currently his own) room.

At the table the four who remained were quiet for a moment, Sheldon in horror, the rest in confusion. "Is he alright, Shelly Bean?" Mary asked, her voice sounding concerned in the way that only a mother can sound.

"Oh he'll be alright, it's me who'll need to suffer sleeping inside of a malodorous cloud of methane and hydrogen sulfide," And he left it at that. To his surprise they didn't question it, though he became even more horrified by the next subject:

"So Shelly how's Amy doing?" His twin sister asked, and instantly, for the first time in a very, very long time Sheldon felt his blood run cold for an instant, and he looked between the three of them, seeing the expectation on their faces, imagining the disappointment, the hatred...

"She and I are no longer seeing one another..." He muttered, his typical apathetic mask barely hanging on.

"What?" Missy asked in surprise, George shaking his head a bit as Mary questioned why and saying something about how they all liked Amy, their expressions turning to those of surprise more than anything else.

Sheldon was quiet for a moment, mentally composing himself before quickly saying "Her sexual drive and desire for me became overwhelming and she was rather inconsiderate toward my desires, or lack thereof. She constantly proposed social experiments when I had made it clear that I lacked interest in the social sciences and was unwilling to be a lab rat to her." He said all of this in a very simple way, as though he were saying the time and it hadn't bothered him in the slightest to break things off with Amy, even though they'd been together for a couple of years.

The expressions on their faces, and Mary saying how much they'd all liked her, prompted a feeling of almost-guilt in Sheldon. He almost wanted to say 'it wasn't my fault,' but he realized before saying it that it wasn't appropriate.

Apparently he'd earned gentle words of consolation and a pat on the back from his brother, all of them saying something to the effect that he'd find 'that special girl' one day...

Well why did they need to say it like that...?

He hated, hated _hated_ going home to his family! When it was only Missy or only Mary it was alright, or maybe it was this house they were in that was the problem... but visiting them all, in this place, was the only time when Sheldon would nearly lose check of his emotion. Of his fears. The only time when something seemed to tear at his defensive bubble of trained apathy and suppression. They couldn't know, they could never know...

He honestly tried to smile at them, he really did, but nothing happened. Because he knew that if they ever found out they'd never be okay with it...

* * *

"Oh good Lord. Well, I can see you've already managed to produce a copious amount of noxious gas. Luckily for the family it seems to be sealed within this room. Unluckily for me it's absolutely fetid."

Sheldon had waited a couple of hours to go into his room, catching up with his siblings and trying to calm down out on the deck in the back yard, hoping that maybe the fumes would have gone away, though he knew they wouldn't have. He found Leonard laid down on the fold-up bed, which was directly next to Sheldon's, curled up in a fetal position, looking sleepy and sick and miserable in his vintage Cheap Trick T-shirt and sweatpants. Sheldon still didn't understand why the other had that shirt - he'd never mentioned liking Cheap Trick, and they didn't seem Leonard's taste.

"I'm sorry," Leonard half-muttered, a small whimper of discomfort almost escaping him as the light turned on and he saw Sheldon standing there, wearing the pajamas that he'd gotten from his bag, a coffee mug in hand. He was humiliated. If he were honest with himself he knew it was something he shouldn't even worry about - just hours before he'd wanted Sheldon to deal with the inconvenience he couldn't solve - but now his own advice seemed impossible. Even if only his best friend were there to witness Leonard's pathetic state, it was horrible...

"Well don't apologize for it. You didn't know what was in the recipe... And it isn't your fault that you were cursed with a genetic predisposition to turn into a biological weapon whenever you eat cheese," if Sheldon possessed a stronger sense of humor he probably would have laughed at that, but he was being sincere, his tone oddly kind. He slowly walked over and sat on the side of Leonard's bed, the other side directly against his own bed in the small room, "Sit up," he said, holding the mug out to him, "This should help a bit with the borborygmus and the discomfort."

Leonard obeyed, staring at Sheldon in surprise, "Thanks," he said quietly, taking the mug from him, "That's really nice of you Sheldon." Sheldon nodded and smiled for a brief moment before his expression returned to its normal mask, but to Leonard it didn't look like Sheldon's normal, awkward and forced or laughing smile. This was different, and...pleasant.

The two of them were quiet at that, Leonard laying the empty mug down on the floor sleepily, laying down, his back facing Sheldon, "I'm sorry again," he said quietly through a yawn, hearing the desk lamp click and opening his eyes to darkness. Sheldon was lying only about a foot away from him, a few inches up since his bed was elevated a bit higher, but it didn't seem awkward.

"As I said, there's no reason to apologize for an unfortunate genetic predisposition."

Leonard couldn't help but laugh softly at his friend, but regretted it a moment later when a jolt of pain shot through his stomach, causing him to wince a bit, curling up a bit more.

What happened then was an even bigger shock than the pain.

He felt a careful, hesitant, gentle hand reach out from the darkness and lay itself on his back, over the T-shirt, rubbing his back gently in an obvious effort to offer some kind of comfort. Leonard blushed heavily, though he didn't really know why... He wasn't creeped out or uncomfortable because of it, and while it didn't exactly solve his problem it didn't make it any worse, and he thought that it might have eased the pain a bit.

And as odd as it might have been Leonard was sure it was one of the most affectionate and kindest things his best friend had ever tried to do for him.

"Sheldon..."

The movement stopped, "I'm sorry," Sheldon's voice rang out quietly, in a surprisingly anxious tone, "I'm aware that it doesn't... I simply...you appeared to be in pain and..."

"No, it's alright," Leonard answered, surprised by Sheldon's stammering, "I appreciate it..." to his surprise the hand returned a moment later, carefully circling his back. He knew that Sheldon had no bad intentions - it wasn't perverted or strange or any kind of violent - it was simply an honest desire to help him...

"Are you sure you're okay?" Leonard asked softly, "You've seemed more and more nervous lately."

"Hmm..." Sheldon stopped for a brief moment as he thought, before continuing, "Yeah, I'm okay..."

But the answer wasn't as clear as he'd wanted it to be. Sheldon was acting different. And apart from his unusual kindness and his nervous tones, Leonard was sure he'd never seen that smile before.

For some reason he found himself blushing at the thought of it. That smile...

It had been beautiful.

"So you're okay?" He asked.

"I'm okay," Sheldon said softly. After a brief pause he continued, "You're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay..."

* * *

End of Chapter 2. Poor Leonard. Well, happens I guess. ...aaaah I feel like I went REALLY out of character. I mean of course Sheldon's supposed to be acting a bit out of character but I hope I didn't screw up too badly on the dialogue this time around.

Chapter 3 to come at...some point...in the future...


	3. Chapter 3

I've returned once again! I shall always return, humans! Well, hopefully... one time I forgot my password to my last account and never went back... so sad...

Also! I don't believe it was ever stated in the show what Mary and George Cooper Sr. did for a living so I'm just gonna say that Mary's a schoolteacher and George is a factory manager. ...So now that's established... don't yell at me. Oh and this chapter might seem slightly confusing.

* * *

_Sheldon opened his eyes, a yellow beam of sunlight shining onto his face, but to his surprise he wasn't lying in his bed. Leonard wasn't anywhere to be found. He was outside, walking slowly along the old path in the woods..._

_He felt a gentle tug on his arm and looked up, seeing his mother there. But something was different...she was younger, her hair was longer... Sheldon then became aware of the fact that he was no longer an adult, but a young child of six or seven. _

_A dream. This was merely a dream..._

_"Robert!"_

_A moment later Missy ran past the both of them and toward someone else. A boy of about nineteen or so... dark hair... tall... Sheldon recognized him... _

_It was Robert! Their old councilor at the Christian day camp they used to attend! _

_It was at that moment when a sudden, almost physical pain shot through him, though not through his young self, and he suddenly felt the urge to choke down a sob. He didn't want to go. He wanted to turn and run away to the car, to hide from reality. But he found that he had no control over his younger self, and was only able to watch through the child's eyes. _

_He was unable to stop his younger self as he ran up to his sister and the older boy, or stop the laughter as Robert lifted him up and began carrying him on his shoulders, Missy looking up at him enviously. It had been a very small church-run camp and the twins often had to go early when their father was at the factory or off doing business somewhere else and their mother needed to be at the summer school. When they would go early they were usually greeted by their councilor Robert, who would carry one of them on his shoulders and bring them to the gymnasium, where they would play with the other early children and councilors until about nine, when the other 'campers' would start arriving for breakfast._

**_No! No please no! _**_he thought to himself in his adult mind, finding that he couldn't wake himself up and couldn't even control his former self's movement or words. He couldn't stop himself from running about with his friends, from kicking the soccer ball, from laughing..._

_That's right...he was such a happy child when he was young... he'd been different, and brilliant, and stubborn, but at least he'd been happy..._

_And now here he was, ready to witness the destruction of his happiness in a twisted, miserable memory._

* * *

_Missy sighed quietly as she and her brother sat at their breakfast table, along with a few other children, "Robert is so cute," she said, in that kind of cute way that adults find precious and children are serious about, but can never be truly taken seriously. _

_Little Sheldon turned to where his sister was looking, juice box in hand, and watched as Robert walked by, with another young councilor named Jimmy. As the camp was a small, church-run program, Robert and Jimmy were almost always together. The boy smiled, his heart seeming to skip a beat as the handsome, dark-haired, green-eyed young man walked by._

_ As the older him felt it, he sighed as he watched was forced to watch his childhood crush go by, wishing that he could do something, anything to help him..._

_"Yeah," little Sheldon answered, along with the girls at the table, as he put down his juice box. His adult mind watched, feeling the fearful confusion of his young self as the other children turned and looked at him with strange expressions, and he knew that it was at that moment during his childhood when he realized that perhaps he wasn't normal, in more ways than his brilliance._

* * *

_"Shelly, what's going on?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Be quiet for now, kids," Their mother shushed gently as she sat between the two of them in the auditorium. Apparently, something had happened and the pastor running the program felt that it needed to be addressed to the children, and the parents were asked to go as well._

_The twins sat down in the gymnasium, surrounded by their peers. All of the toys and the basketball hoops had been put away, and the room had an eerie kind of sound to it: the sound of children talking and yelling and laughing, but not playing. It was strange..._

_"Robert!"_

**_NO! _**_Sheldon screamed in his adult mind, mentally breaking. He wanted to look away, to close his eyes, anything, but he couldn't. _

_Little Sheldon looked toward where his sister was pointing, unwittingly holding his older self captive. About twenty feet away on the gymnasium stage stood Robert and Jimmy. The two looked incredibly upset and didn't look at the kids. Upon closer inspection, they could see that their hands were intertwined. Around the room was an air of confusion and upset, the children able to sense that something was wrong even though they couldn't understand._

_After a few moments the pastor arrived, stepping up to the stage and facing the children. He pointed at the two teenagers and began to yell, "Do you see this abomination, children?"_

_A few questioning 'yes's circulated throughout the room, which seemed to make the two young men shrink away even more, looks of guilt and shame masking their faces, their grips on each other's hands growing tighter. _

_The pastor frowned at them, pointing at them violently, "We've come to discover that the devil's greatest sin is plaguing our camp! These two are homosexuals! The Bible says that it is an abomination for a man to lie with another man. They are committing the greatest sin that a person can ever commit, and you can see their lack of remorse!"_

**_Run Robert! Get away, or say something! _**_The adult in the back of the child's mind shouted._

_"They've been threatened with beatings and lashings by their parents and warned by myself and the other pastors of God's wrath, and yet the two refuse to release one another! They've got the devil in them, children!"_

_At those words young Sheldon grew uncomfortable, "M-mom...what's a homosexual?" He whispered._

_Mary sighed in frustration and looked down at her son, "it's when a boy likes other boys and not girls, and it's a sin." And at that moment, young Sheldon's heart seemed to freeze for a moment, and he thought about how he'd felt in the cafeteria. He was a smart boy... he was sure now..._

_The pastor continued, looking at all the children, "You do not want to be like these two, children. A homosexual is incapable and disinterested in love like a heterosexual. And if we catch you acting on some perverse homosexual tendency, your parents will be the first to know. And you WILL be caught, cause this is one thing you cannot get away with. This is one thing where if you don't get caught by us, you'll be caught by yourself, and your whole life will be a living hell. Because if you're homosexual you're not right, you've made a bad choice, you've got the devil in you!"_

**_What the hell kind of man of God tells this to children? _**_Sheldon thought in his adult mind, and as his young self looked up in fear at his mother, and she nodded in agreement with the pastor, he thought **And what kind of a mother...?**_

_The yelling and ranting continued for quite some time, until the teenagers' parents appeared and forcibly dragged them away from one another, though up until the end they refused to let go of one another's hand, up until Jimmy dislocated his wrist. It was horrible..._

_And it was at that point in his childhood that Sheldon knew. He knew he would never be accepted. The young child felt his world collapse all around him. God hated him? He was evil? He was going to go to hell...?_

* * *

"Sheldon, Sheldon wake up!"

Sheldon's eyes shot open and he sat up instantly. Leonard was sitting in front of him at the edge of the bed, with an expression of concern. Sheldon's eyes were red and he was breathing heavily, again reminding his friend of a frightened half-dead animal trapped in a cage. Without thinking about it he reached forward and pulled Leonard into an awkward hug, shaking violently with fear and the pain of trying to force any emotion down. "L-Leonard?" He asked in a small voice, as though he wasn't sure if he were awake or not.

Leonard blinked, confused by the embrace, "Yeah... Everything's okay, Sheldon," he said gently, trying to hug him back, "Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

Sheldon shook his head, quickly letting him go as he realized the hug was inappropriate, "It's of no importance, Leonard," he lied, "I always suffer unpleasant dreams when I come here. ...uhm...when I was twenty years old and I'd informed my father I would be moving to California he became very angry with me. The next day he went on a business trip to New York because for one reason or another his bosses said they needed him there. We hadn't spoken before he'd gone and four days after he left we received a phone call saying he was dead. Cardiac arrest..."

This was all true, though it wasn't the reason for Sheldon's nightmares. Sheldon could perfectly remember his father's funeral - Missy crying and their brother trying to comfort her, his mother up on the alter speaking about how her husband was a 'good husband and father and a hard-working factory manager.' All lies, really. He'd become manager purely out of nepotism, and had coasted through most of the fatherhood experience. It was apparently just appropriate to praise someone when they died rather than be realistic. He didn't really care for it, but then that was probably why he hadn't been asked to speak. He stood there, staring forward silently, expression blank. He looked around and saw people crying, only some genuinely. There were young cousins crying and aunts and uncles trying to comfort. There was one woman and a little girl, of about eight or nine, who cried hysterically.

And Sheldon swore he'd never seen that little girl before...

He looked at Leonard, trying to convince him that he was being honest. After a moment he felt his face flush up a bit, noticing how close the two were to one another.

"Oh..." Leonard sighed softly, looking down, and then back at Sheldon, "I'm sorry," he said earnestly. He'd never even imagined Sheldon acting this way, and while he almost appreciated the fact that it was him Sheldon was being open with, he didn't like seeing his closest friend in such pain, "Well I'm sure if he were alive your father'd be proud of you,"

Sheldon simply shook his head, "No, he'd have huge reason to hate me. Everyone would... However, I hardly see how any of that matters in grand scheme of things," he said, standing up and trying to compose himself. He opened his closet door, taking out a pair of black dress pants and a blue dress shirt, "I suggest that you go and get some clothing that's church appropriate. We'll be going right after breakfast." He said knowingly, not turning to look back at the other.

"Hmm..." Leonard stood up, walking over toward Sheldon slowly. He put a hand out and laid it on Sheldon's shoulder, surprised to see Sheldon tense up again, as he had in the plane. "Alright." He finished, before he stepped out.

And all over again Leonard was worried.

* * *

So that was...a chapter. Damn so out of characterrrr...oh! And I kind of confused myself in the beginning so if you didn't get it Sheldon was just experiencing a memory of his childhood though his childhood eyes, and couldn't change anything. So...yeah.

Anyway, I tried. Leave a review maybe?


	4. Chapter 4

I've returned once again humans~! ...Kay now's around the time that it's gonna get all weird so you might start hating this~! ... ^^;

Oh well let's just do it. Sorry if there's any minor inconsistencies, trying hard to avoid.

* * *

Sheldon looked at Leonard awkwardly, wondering why they hadn't simply driven to this damn church on their own. Both of them seemed to have had some kind of brain-lapse and agreed that the five would drive together - George Junior driving, Mary on the front passenger side, and Leonard, Sheldon and Missy in the back seat. Sheldon was in the center, Leonard to his right.

It wasn't really too bad - the car was a white 2006 Chevy Equinox, the kind of car that was tall and big enough to not feel cramped together when five people sat in it, and the kind of trunk that connected openly to the back seat and could even serve as a seat if it had to. A flat, relatively unsafe seat, but a seat.

"Dear God, please let us have a safe drive," Mary said, in her daily prayer she would say before driving.

If it were anyone else praying, it would seem normal to Leonard. There were a lot of Christians who prayed before they would drive or do something that could be considered a risk, even a small risk. But with it being Mary, something about her exaggerated tone made it odd to him.

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Dear God, Zeus, Allah, Thor, Ukko and any other god that may or may not exist and will listen, _please _give me a miracle and make the mass quick. Or nonexistent if possible." He said. If he fully understood sarcasm he would have said it sarcastically, but instead it came out a bit awkwardly, leaving everyone apart from himself feeling slightly off-put.

"Don't push your luck Shelly-Bean," Mary said, "You know I appreciate you coming with us..."

She spoke genuinely, and for a moment Leonard could see the saddened smile that she wore. He could tell that Mary never knew what to say to her son - praise his scientific achievement or tell him to thank God for it? Thank him for agreeing to go to mass or chastise him for not going more? It must have been hard for her.

Silence followed for the next few minutes.

"...Who the hell's Ukko?" George finally asked, not turning to look at his brother. His tone had a light amusement to it, more understanding than his mother.

"The god of Thunder in Finnish Paganism." Sheldon answered blankly.

"So he's Thor?"

"No." Sheldon said, looking from his brother to Leonard and back toward his brother, leaning forward slightly in his seat, "He isn't Thor. Thor is Thor and Ukko is Ukko."

"But they're the god of the same things, so they're kind of the same, right?" George asked, looking at his brother for a moment, grinning a playful, carefree kind of grin. He had the same eyes as Sheldon, though they lacked the same apathetic and intelligent gleam. George was taller and stronger, with light facial stubble, hair a bit longer and beautiful in a strangely effortlessly kind of way. It was the kind of hair one might picture on a motorcycle-riding, construction-working, appliance-repairing manly man. Despite his young appearance George was thirty-seven, his wife and two children would be coming down from Fort Worth the next day for Christmas.

"But they're different religions." Sheldon said in annoyance, "To say that they're the same thing is like comparing mother's religion to that of an Episcopalian teenage girl's."

George laughed, Mary scoffed, and Missy pushed Sheldon out of the way so she could turn the radio on, growing frustrated by everyone else. Sheldon blushed slightly as he was pushed into Leonard, and likely remained there a moment longer than he should have. He looked sadly at Leonard for a moment. Oh, how miserable he felt...

_'If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed, that holy water that you soak in has been poisoned'_

Oh no...

Sheldon inhaled sharply, straightening his posture in discomfort, forcing his glance out the window. Why? Why did they need to play _this _song?

Leonard looked up at his friend with concern. "Are you okay?" He asked softly, soft enough that only Sheldon could hear him. Sheldon forced himself to nod, not looking at Leonard as the song continued, the feminine voice taking over:

_'And I can't change, Even if I tried, Even if I wanted to..._

_'My love my love my love she keeps me warm... She keeps me warm... She keeps me warm...She keeps me warm...'_

It was at that point when Mary reached over and changed the channel, muttering something quietly that made Sheldon internally collapse even farther.

"They're taking over, I tell you." She'd said, "What ever happened to the _good_ values in music?"

_They're _taking over? _Good _values...? The dream came back to him and he felt his spine chill. "Right." He said, forcing confidence out of thin air.

Right?

Leonard looked at Sheldon in confusion. Was that why the song bothered him? Sheldon was homophobic? He supposed it made sense, considering how Sheldon had been raised. Still, it seemed odd. "Really, Sheldon?" He asked.

Sheldon turned and looked Leonard in the eye, some kind of desperately trying-to-hide emotion visible, "Yes," he said firmly, "It isn't right." He said it genuinely. As much as he hated it, a part of Sheldon believed it.

The words were genuine, that was for sure - as surprised as Leonard was, the voice told him that Sheldon meant it - he thought homosexuality was wrong. A result of his upbringing, sure. It didn't bother Leonard that his friend would think that way - Sheldon wasn't some outspoken jerk, it was fine.

Mary nodded, her other two children remaining silent. Sheldon was quiet as well, staring past Leonard out the window. The weather was disgusting - the clouds a grey mess, the sun barely creating enough light for them to drive without headlights, the rain threatening to tear through the clouds at any moment, to come pouring out, having been trapped for what felt like forever in a grey and dark prison, only to be greeted by the dry, dehydrating ground and people unwilling to embrace it - lifting umbrellas to repel it and hiding away in their homes, pretending it wasn't there at all.

Poor rain.

_She wouldn't love me anymore, _Sheldon thought to himself, feeling physically ill, _She'd tell me I was a monster. Unworthy of God. A shame to the family. She won't have a gay son..._

Sheldon sat there and began to count the hateful words he'd heard in church, in school, sometimes even at home on occasion...

_Homos, sodomites, sinners, heathens... _

_Faggots..._

Mary wasn't a bad woman, it wasn't her fault that she'd been taught that way in church. Sheldon knew that.

He wished he'd been raised by his grandparents - Meemaw was actually Catholic, but when she'd moved here with Grandpa John there weren't any Catholic churches nearby, so she'd raised Mary and her other children going to this dreaded church. Grandpa John had been raised in this church, but he wasn't devout like his daughter had become, having been the only one in the family to support Sheldon's love of science.

If he weren't so upset Sheldon would have smiled - his grandfather, like his father, had died around Christmas. It was when Sheldon was five years old, and he asked Santa to bring him back to life, saying it wasn't fair - how had his grandfather even gotten lung cancer? He'd never even smoked...

"Sheldon?"

He was jolted from his thoughts, realizing that they'd stopped driving and were parked, everyone out of the car apart from him. Leonard stood outside, looking in at him, "You okay?"

Sheldon blinked and looked at him, _No, _he thought silently. "Yeah."

* * *

"I still remember being told about my father's death... this time ten years ago... cardiac arrest... driving down from Fort..."

Sheldon wasn't able to pay attention to his brother, the words coming to his brain in clumps, going in one ear and out the other. George. His beloved brother, even though he rarely admitted to it. Would his brother accept him? Would Missy? Meemaw? ...Leonard? Leonard, his closest friend in the world, maybe his only _real _friend. Sheldon was used to questioning if Howard or Raj cared for him, but with Leonard the question was rare, Leonard always came back, with or without the others. Precious to him. Leonard...

Sitting just inches away from him.

Did he love Leonard...?

He was cut off from his thoughts as he felt Missy move from next to him, getting up to say the next few words. Sheldon was never asked to say anything about his father, and he liked it that way. Missy was crying - she really did love their father.

It was easy for George Cooper Senior to love his little girl. Mostly B+ grades, lots of friends, didn't spend too much money, always said 'I love you Daddy' and letting him be right even when he was wrong. George Junior was easy to love - an athlete, a handyman who singlehandedly built a tree-house in the backyard at fourteen, a high school student-government vice president.

It was George Cooper's little boy who was hard to love. Sheldon, who didn't seem to understand the value of 'I love you,' or love itself, or sports, or friends. Nothing but science, something his father couldn't connect with.

_He would've hated me. _Sheldon thought, despite the fact that his father never really went to church with the family. He just...knew.

He looked around quietly. The mass wasn't very crowded. This church was never very crowded. The regular old-folks and families, a few relatives that still cared enough to attend mass every year, a few old friends of his father's from the factory huddled together.

And one other person...someone familiar...

* * *

Sheldon had gone through most of the service without actually listening, something he didn't mind nor regret. No one would question him.

They got up and walked outside toward the parking lot. The only annoyance left was that the family was expected to stay until everyone else was gone, and while it only took about twenty minutes it still pained him - he just wanted to go home. To his REAL home in California, to never come back...

"Excuse me..."

"Huh?" Sheldon blinked in confusion when he saw her - a teenage girl, about eighteen years old or so - curly brown hair that reached down to her shoulders, blue eyes, about five foot eight, rather thin... She was pretty. "You!" Sheldon said exaggeratedly, pointing at her, "I remember you! You're the little girl!"

_The little girl I didn't recognize! The one who'd been crying at his funeral. _

His relatives and Leonard looked at Sheldon in confusion as he stared at the girl, looking borderline-upset about seeing her, "You were at my father's funeral ten years ago, you and your mother were standing there crying!" He said frantically.

The girl smiled at Sheldon, "You're right," she said, stepping a bit closer to them, "Eight years old, my first funeral." Since coming out from the church she'd put on a pair of exaggerated, almost hipster-ish glasses and now had a large pair of headphones around her neck. She wore a pair of dark jeans and a nice black T-shirt - a bit casual, but Sheldon could hear in her voice that she wasn't from around here. It was more of a California accent, maybe even from somewhere near Los Angeles, though her tone was intelligent.

The girl stepped a bit closer to Mary, smiling cautiously and putting a hand out. "It's very nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Cooper," she said genuinely, seeming to think about adding something but stopping, looking at Mary half-expectantly, her expression turning to one of worry after a moment.

Mary took the hand after a moment, smiling "And who exactly are you, dear?" She asked, not in an unfriendly way.

The girl sighed. "Well... For the record, I'd like to make it clear that it isn't as bad as it sounds...Not nearly as bad as it sounds." she sighed, suddenly appearing nervous before the confidence returned.

"My name is Brita Yorick. Your husband, George Cooper, was my father."

* * *

...Well...that happened. How obvious was that? ..Yeah I know super obvious.


End file.
